What It Means to Abandon Yourself

What really causes us to feel unfulfilled, unhappy, or upset about events, relationships, or work situations isn’t necessarily the event itself, but that we abandon ourselves in the process. While these situations can be hurtful or challenging, they’re not what mostly hurts us deep down.

It doesn’t hurt you most that someone said you weren’t good enough - it’s that you silently agreed with them. It doesn’t hurt you most that someone left you - it’s that you left yourself when they did, too. And it doesn’t hurt you most when someone can’t love you the way you deserve - it’s that you’re not giving yourself the love you deserve.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about personal empowerment, healing old wounds, and building emotional resilience, it’s that everything starts with the self. The way we show up for ourselves (or don’t) is the foundation for how we navigate life, relationships, and challenges. To truly step into your power and become the woman of your dreams, it’s essential to stop abandoning yourself.

Where Self-Abandonment Begins

This habit of self-abandonment often starts in childhood. As children, we rely on our families or caregivers for approval, acceptance, and survival. When we’re young and dependent, we’re often faced with a difficult choice: Do we honor our own needs and desires, or do we sacrifice them for the sake of belonging, safety, or love? For most of us, survival wins, and we learn to put our own needs on hold.

Signs You Might Be Abandoning Yourself

Self-abandonment can show up in subtle ways, often disguised as coping mechanisms or habits we’ve normalized. Here are some examples of what it might look like:

• Ignoring your feelings: Suppressing emotions like anger, sadness, or fear instead of acknowledging them (and consequently being able to process them).

• People-pleasing: Constantly prioritizing others' needs over your own.

• Avoiding conflict: Staying silent about your needs or boundaries to avoid confrontation.

• Neglecting self-care: Skipping meals, sacrificing sleep, or avoiding activities that bring you joy (to mention a few).

• Negative self-talk: Criticizing yourself, focusing on flaws, or doubting your worth.

• Perfectionism: Setting unattainable standards and constantly feeling like you’re falling short.

• Obsessing over mistakes or worrying about the future: Living in past regret or future fear instead of the present and focusing on the things you can't control or change rather than what you can.

• Ignoring physical pain or illness: 'Pushing through' aches, pains, and illness instead of honoring your body’s needs.

• Disconnecting from your values: Compromising your beliefs or moral compass to fit in or avoid judgment.

• Isolating yourself: Avoiding meaningful connections with loved ones or your community.

• Ignoring your intuition: Dismissing those inner nudges that try to guide you toward what’s right for you.

Why You Need to Stop Abandoning Yourself

When you consistently abandon yourself, you send a message to your subconscious that your needs, feelings, and desires don’t matter. Over time, this erodes your self-trust and self-worth, leaving you feeling unfulfilled, disconnected, and stuck in cycles of self-doubt. And on top of that, you limit your potential and the impact you can bring into the world and for the people around you.

But you can choose to stop abandoning yourself. Each moment offers an opportunity to turn inward, acknowledge your truth, and take small but meaningful steps to reconnect with yourself. It’s a process, and it takes time, but the more you show up for yourself, the more empowered, resilient, and aligned you’ll feel.