Anxious? You’re not an overthinker. Surprising Truth about Anxiety (and How to Overcome It!)

Sadly, most of us will struggle with anxiety in one form or another at some point in our lives. And when we're struggling with anxious thoughts or behavior, we usually end up blaming overthinking. We’ll say that we’re such over-thinkers and that we “always overthink things” or that we spend hours "over-analyzing" things.

In the book The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery by Brianna Wiest, the author proposes a completely different perspective on anxiety that could completely change your life.

When you’re having an anxious experience, you’re not overthinking. You’re actually under-thinking.

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How could this be possible, you may ask? Well, we can essentially break it down into two parts:

Part 1 of your overthinking, that is actually underthinking

You only think of one scenario. Let's imagine you're sitting down with your partner and they tell you they "want to talk."

Anxiety rises to the surface.

You think: "Oh my gosh, they want to end things."

And that's where you leave it. That's where you stop thinking. Meaning, you don't contemplate on other possible scenarios, such as they want to propose a trip you could both take, there was something you said earlier that felt hurtful to them, or they would like to invest in a cleaning service.

Or maybe you do. You actually do consider possible scenarios. That's where part two comes in.

Part 2 of your overthinking, that is actually underthinking

When you're playing out different scenarios in your mind, you only think of one category of scenarios, e.g. the 'bad' ones. And in doing so, you neglect to consider the neutral and the positive ones. And most often, you'll skip right ahead to the worst possible scenario.

Your friend is 10 minutes late to your coffee date and they are never late.

Anxiety rises to the surface.

You think: "Oh my gosh, they've been in an accident."

Or maybe, "Oh my gosh, they don't like me anymore. I knew it."

And that's the road you go down. You think about the accident that could've happened, you think about what you could've said that upset them, you check your messages to see if you got the place, date, or time wrong...

But do you consider that they're running a bit late because they forgot to grab the late birthday gift they brought you?

Do you consider that they just had some trouble finding a parking spot?

You see my point, right? You go down the negative thought spiral, never taking a moment to consider the neutral or positive alternatives.

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Imagine watching a movie. You know how most Hollywood films tend to go: Everything's all good in the beginning, then a challenge comes their way, and then they overcome it and have their happy ending. Or perhaps it started with them being kind of unhappy, then they get a chance to feel alive again until something goes wrong, and then the same thing as before happens (in a nutshell).

Imagine watching a movie at the cinema, with your popcorn and everything, and the movie stops in the middle of the huge challenge or battle. Yep, it's over. The credits are rolling, the lights are coming on, and people are leaving.

You'd think "what happened to the ending?" Right?

And that’s exactly the problem: The ending is missing.

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The ending is missing when anxiety comes into play, unless you guide yourself through it and get all the way to the end.

When you're underthinking, you leave yourself stuck in the middle. You don't give yourself an actual ending.

And that's what makes it so painful and confusing. And the more you do this, the more your brain is primed to get stuck in the middle of an anxiety-attack. Because it doesn't know how to bring itself through the tunnel and to the end, where you know you're okay.

So in order to stop underthinking, the author states that we need to practice walking ourselves through a scenario, not just to the middle where everything is horrible.

If your partner says they want to talk, run through different scenarios that might be possible first. And if you're still feeling stuck on one or a few "worst case scenarios," walk yourself through what you would do in that scenario.

Okay, let's say they want to end things. And they're not willing to try anything further, it's over. You'll cry, get angry, you'll sort out who's going to move where and how to divide your shared assets (if you have any). Then you'll find a place of your own. It'll be different, probably a bit difficult to begin with. But then it'll get easier. You'll learn to be on your own. You'll get out there more. You'll find people you enjoy spending time with. You'll learn to love again. You'll take care of yourself. And in the end, (the actual ending), you'll be okay. You'll have gotten through it. Just like you've gotten through other challenges in the past.

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Struggling with anxious thoughts can be a incredibly hard, but it doesn’t need to win over you. Instead of getting caught in a spiral where you tell yourself “you’re overthinking this,” when in truth you’re not finishing the thought far enough, it’s time to move your mind and body through the tunnel and actually take charge of your life and how you interact with it.

Only you have the power to bring yourself peace on a fundamental level. And you have everything in you to take your own hand and walk yourself through any challenge, all the way until the place where you know, you'll be okay.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. All the information and tips covered in this blog post are intended as guidelines that have worked for me personally. Always take your own health into consideration and consult with medical professionals as needed.